mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
