If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm always down for nudity.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
