Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
