There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My feet surprised me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
