what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
