Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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