Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
