my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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