I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
