rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize