so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
