Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize