I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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