WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
