The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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