you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
