i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
