i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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