I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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