How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize