Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
