Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
as a side note pls kill me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
