Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
