are you so shy because you have an std?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
