I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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