Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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