so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
