Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
