Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
