I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
