i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
