Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
