Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
vagina is talking i cant
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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