I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
