Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
