apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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