I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize