I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
