I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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