do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
