The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
