i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize