Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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