Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I met the friendliest cop last night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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