Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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