gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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