You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
