Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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