She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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