Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
