the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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