I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize