I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
