it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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