U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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