first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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