They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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