He kissed a someone with a penis
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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