I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
