Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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