He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
