I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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