I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
