I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
