sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
