I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
