You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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