There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
