I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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