forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
