I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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