i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's never too late to be topless.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
