does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
