i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
