Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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