yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
