is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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