So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
