Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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