my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
