Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
