My hair reeks of homosexuality.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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