i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
