I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
so much tequila, so little girl.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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