Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
