The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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